Guernsey County Celebrates Its Foster Families
President Obama, Gov. Kasich declare May Foster Care Appreciation Month
by Z. Daniel Barnett - Published: May 3, 2013
May is National Foster Care Month, and Guernsey County Children Services is joining the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services (ODJFS) and Gov. John Kasich in recognizing Ohio’s foster parents for their kindness and generosity in caring for children whose parents cannot.
Foster Care Program Coordinator Pamela Barnett said that, often, foster families do not receive the full measure of gratitude they truly deserve. “I am happy for the opportunity to have a time set aside to recognize and honor foster families for the work they do each and every day, and to thank them for the commitment and dedication they show to foster children who are going through a very difficult and traumatic time in their lives. I appreciate all of our foster families and want them to know that they make a positive difference in the lives of these children.”
More than 400 cases of abuse and neglect were reported in Guernsey County alone last year. But Pamela says that means many children in need were removed from less-than-ideal situations, and put into the care of caring, supportive foster families. “Foster Care Month comes on the heels of National Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Month. I think that’s a perfect, ongoing reminder of how dedicated child welfare professionals and foster families work together to keep children safe here, and throughout Ohio.”
According to ODJFS, 9,752 licensed foster families cared for 12,741 children in 2012. And in honor of National Foster Care Month, Guernsey County Children Services takes time each year to honor some of the foster families that give of their time, their homes, and their hearts.
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| Karen Drenan and daughter Courtney |
“That’s typical. It’s a big decision to make,” says Pamela Barnett. “Karen and I talked several years ago, but it just wasn’t the right time for her.”
But after the loss of her husband in 2011, and with her youngest child preparing to leave home, Karen decided it was time for her to learn more. Karen began her training in 2012, and felt that her role was to provide a bridge for children while their biological parents improved their living situation. She says she had always been blessed with a nice home and a stable living situation, and wanted to provide the same for children who hadn’t been so fortunate.
“I thought that I’d be a good protector and a good provider for them. That they’d be safe and they’d be healthy and we’d do activities. I didn’t realize how much my heart would go into it.”
Shortly after Karen received her license in November, she received her first placement of two young brothers. One of the most rewarding moments for Karen, early on, was taking the boys to buy new clothes and shoes. “It thrilled my heart to be able to help them!”
Not long thereafter, the boys returned to their biological parents. But quickly, Karen opened her home to a baby girl. “I like it more than I ever thought I would. I knew I’d like it, obviously, or I wouldn’t have pursued it. But, it’s about little babies that need help.”
It was also a rewarding experience for Karen’s biological children. Courtney, 22, has expressed her own interest in helping children in need. Courtney, a Political Science major, says she’d like to become a foster/adoptive parent, but is also interested in making sure Ohio’s laws align with the best interest of foster children. Karen’s son, 25-year-old Tyler, warmed up to the idea quickly, as well. “It was funny to see my son – my son! – holding a baby.”
But in Karen’s short time as a foster parent, there have also been challenges. “The real challenge is that they take them away.”
Pamela Barnett said that foster parents feel a loss when a foster child goes home. “It takes time to become accustomed to it, and there are a lot of different experiences. No placement is ever exactly like the last one. Getting used to the loss doesn’t happen overnight.”
But Karen says the experience has been very enlightening, and she would recommend it to anyone who has thought about taking the plunge. “Most people tend to say, ‘Why are you putting yourself through that? Why do you want to do it again?’ But if it’s hard on us adults, think how hard it is on the kids!”
Karen says that, while she waits for her next placement, she’ll take time to further her training, and continue her volunteer work at her church and the local Salvation Army.
“I realize how much you can love a child – even if they’re not your own flesh and blood. And I don’t think I’ll ever take anything for granted again.”
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| Steve and Kim Allen, their daughters Rochelle and Rosie, and Kristopher Allen Robinson-Miller |
But after passing by Children Services’ booth at the Home & Business Expo for several years, Steve and Kim got the push they needed to sign on. “When we first got involved, I think it was for selfish reasons, because we wanted to get our foster-to-adopt license to adopt Rosie and Rochelle. They were already placed with my sister-in-law in Coshocton. And we fell in love with them.”
Steve added, jokingly, “Then Children Services kind of tricked us and put a placement with us.”
After ten years, the Allens have become some of Children Services’ most experienced foster parents. The Guernsey County natives say that each placement comes with its own set of challenges, but one of the biggest struggles is the fear that foster children often bring with them. This was evident in one of their first placements. “We had to reassure him that he was safe in our home. And I think that’s what foster parenting is all about. To help build up the child’s self-esteem, and also to make them feel safe, because most of the kids come from an environment where they’re not safe.”
With time comes experience, and Steve and Kim say that they’ve learned some key things about maintaining a successful foster home. “We try to keep the kids active. Sportings activities, and our daughters, they both dance, took piano lessons. So we’re constantly running. And I think when they were busy, it seems like they do a lot better. They function better at school.”
The Allens say that, through the inherent stuggles, they’ve gotten a lot of support from their church family, the Agency, and other foster families. “You start communicating with other foster parents, because sometimes you think ‘Am I the only one going through this?’ But you’re definitely not.”
Steve and Kim agree that they will continue to open their home to children in need as long as they are able. Steve says, ““As long as the good Lord gives us enough energy to continue on. I like to say it keeps you young, but I don’t know - I’m getting a lot of gray hair.”
Steve and Kim are the first to encourage people to become foster parents. “It takes a special kind of person that’s willing to be patient and understanding,” says Kim. “It’s been very rewarding to have children in our home.”
Steve adds, “People still tell us we’re crazy. And sometimes we think ‘You may be right.’ But we’re crazy about kids. And we love what we do.”
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| Debbie Robinson, Andrea Miller, and their son Kristopher |
Both Andrea and Debbie had each looked into foster care for some time before they decided to begin the process. “I had talked to Pam for awhile, wherever they were set up, at the Business Expo or our church,” said Debbie. “But realistically, when we looked at taking the classes, we couldn’t even make the classes. And thought, ‘Are we ready for a foster child?’ But last year, everything came together.”
When Debbie and Andrea finally decided to look into foster care, Debbie spoke with Steve Allen about his experience. That’s when Steve suggested that Debbie and Andrea provide respite care for a child in the Allens’ home. “We kept Christopher for a week while the Allens were on vacation, and that’s all it took,” said Debbie. “We were just a good fit from the start.”
Debbie and Andrea began by providing respite care before taking on any full-time placements, and both immediately saw how difficult being a foster parent could be. Debbie said,“Even though we’ve been trained, nothing prepares you for those challenging moments. It’s emotionally trying.”
Andrea added, “How do you respond to a child that’s begging to live with you?”
But after spending more and more time with Christopher, Debbie and Andrea felt as though he was a perfect fit for their family. “It felt like it was meant to be,” says Andrea. Some people may have paused at the thought of raising a special needs child. But Debbie was the first to say that they don’t think of Christopher as developmentally delayed.
“Christopher loves school. He loves to play basketball. He loves to sing. I don’t look at Christopher and see a special needs child.” She added, smiling, “I just see a precious, rotten little boy.”
And Andrea, whose Uncle Greg was diagnosed with Down’s syndrome as a child, says Christopher immediately had a special place in her life. “Growing up, we spent a lot of time with Greg. And I think that’s one reason why Christopher is so dear to my heart.”
In many ways, Debbie and Andrea’s experience has been unique. Unlike many foster families, they moved from respite care to adoption without any foster placements. And the relationship between Christopher, Debbie and Andrea, and the Allens is unique, as well. “The Allens were Christopher’s foster parents before we adopted him. We have a wonderful relationship with them! Christopher stays with them and visits with them and loves them. He still calls them ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy.’ We’ve got their pictures in his room. They will always be his family, too.”
As a non-traditional foster home, Debbie and Andrea say they’ve encountered few challenges. Andrea commented, “We all have the common goal of providing a good home for children that need one. So, we have more alikes than dislikes.” She continued, “He calls us both Mom, Mommy, and people ask ‘How do you know which one he wants?’ And we just know.”
Debbie added, “I’m ‘Momma,’ because that’s the southern version.”
Both Debbie and Andrea urge those thinking about foster care to learn more. “If you’re open to it, and you’re thinking about it, you should allow yourself to have that experience,” said Debbie.
Andrea agreed, saying “Take the classes, and get to know more about it. A lot of people have misconceptions. And you can always start off by offering respite care, like we did, to try it out.”
All-in-all, Debbie and Andrea’s experience has been overwhelmingly positive. “It’s hard to describe the rewards we feel, but it’s been a real blessing.”
Andrea concurred: “We’ve learned so much from him. Like not to sweat the small stuff. And to live in the moment.”
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| Wendy Curtis, Adoption Care Coordinator, and Pamela Barnett, Foster Care Program Coordinator |
“Children who come into foster care vary in age, gender, and the types of needs they have. They also may be one child or a sibling group. Just as children come in all shapes and sizes, we need foster families with different abilities, personalities, and ideas to help give children in need safe and happy homes.”
She added that Children Services is always ready to consider the needs of foster families, as well. “Foster parents can determine the type of child they feel prepared to parent. Some may prefer younger children, some older. Some foster parents only have room for one or two children, while others may be able to accept a larger sibling group. In addition, ours is a foster-to-adopt program which allows a foster family to adopt a child that has become part of their family as a foster child, if the child is not able to reunify with the birth family. When foster families adopt, they often no longer have room for more foster children and need to focus their attention on their permanent children, therefore a new need is created in our pool of families.”
Those interested in learning more about foster or adoptive care can contact Pamela Barnett or Wendy Curtis, Adoption Care Coordinator, by phone, at 740.439.5555, or at the Agency’s website: www.guernseycountycs.org.
